Bulletproof 2: All I Have To Give
by Amanda Hawthorn
Summary: Sequel to Bulletproof. Sara and Grissom try to rebuild their relationship GS
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: Bulletproof 2: All I Have To Give

AUTHOR: Amanda Hawthorn

RATING: PG-13/ maybe R when finished

PAIRING: Grissom/Sara     

CATEGORY: Angst/ romance

ARCHIVE: Grissomandsara.com and my site 

FEEDBACK: Love it, but no flames please I'm fragile!!

EMAIL:  **southerngirl_uk@yahoo.co.uk**

SPOILERS: Loosely based on season 4

SUMMARY: Sequel to Bulletproof. Grissom and Sara try to rebuild their relationship

DISCLAIMER: CSI belongs to CBS and Alliance-Atlantis Productions. No  
infringement intended.  
AUTHORS' NOTES: As always a huge thank you to the Sara and Grissom yahoo list for their constant support, and to my wonderful friends Rosa, Niff, Shroedy and Alice for their constant encouragement.

Huge thanks also to my beta Marlou, who is always on hand to offer her support and her friendship. I'd like to offer big thanks also to Laura Katherine who helped me decide the title.

This is for Kelly, a member of our yahoo list who also needs support right now. This is for you hun, feel better…

Ó Amanda Hawthorn October 2003

                                                             Bulletproof 2: All I have to give            

Muted light filtered over the lone figure in the bed, bathing him in slits of the sun's warm rays. Opening his eyes slowly, Grissom took a deep cleansing breath as memories of just a few hours ago came flooding back into his mind. Sitting up, he looked around his room, his eyes searching for any signs that would uncover his dreams that would lift the veil from his dream and turn them into reality. Had Sara really been here in his house? Or was she like every other time, just a figment of his imagination? Pulling himself up to the edge of his bed, he stilled suddenly when he heard a soft gasp come from somewhere in his living room. Reaching for his pants, he put them on and padded bare foot out from the confines of his room. 

Sara was consumed in her nightmares and retreated from the images as they invaded her mind with intoxicating fear. Turning her head, she tried to escape the haunting coal-colored eyes that pierced her own, pulling her down deeper and deeper into the darkness.

"No," she gasped, her voice echoing in her ears as she fought to escape. Cold talons clawed through her hair, ripping her dark strands from their roots bringing a tidal wave of pain to her body, and she was powerless against it. Her body thrashed against the demons restraints as she desperately fought the darkness that surrounded her. Her sense of reality was trapped and buried, thrown in a crater caused by the sheer panic and terror that she experienced. There was no escape, no running away, she was losing the battle. Fear had once again won. Then from out of nowhere she heard it, that soft coaxing voice calling her name, its heavenly tone pulling her away from the creatures lair to bring her closer and closer to the light of reality. Opening her eyes suddenly, Sara sat bolt upright and gulped in deep lungfuls of air. Looking around her, she tried to focus on her surroundings, anything to give her the tiniest clue as to where she was.

"Sara?" Grissom came closer towards her, crouching down next to the couch as he gazed on her with worried eyes.

"Oh God," she gasped, realization suddenly dawning when she realized just where she exactly was. "Grissom?"

"Yeah, it's me." Reaching out a tentative hand, he brushed a strand of damp hair from her forehead, pushing it back behind her ear. "That must have been some nightmare."

"I," she started, her eyes closing briefly as she tried to control the trembling inside her body. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" he smiled softly, his hands reaching out to touch her again. Her skin was warm and clammy beneath his fingers and not for the first time he had to wonder what nightmares haunted her heart and mind.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep, you should have woken me." Pulling away from his touch, she tried to untangle the blanket from her legs, needing to free herself from its constraints.

"You needed sleep," he told her, "and I didn't want to wake you."

"I…I shouldn't be here," she muttered nervously when she suddenly realized the top half of his torso was very naked. Her eyes seemed to skim over his chest on their own accord, his body calling out to her with its gravitational pull. "I need to go…"

Grissom's heart ached to reach out to her. He needed to provide some sort of comfort, but he didn't know where to start. "You want some coffee?"

His question threw her off balance; she hadn't expected him to be so gentle. He wasn't supposed to be like this. He was Grissom; he wasn't supposed to have emotions. Closing her eyes quickly, she tried to wake herself from this blissful part of the dream, her intentions to ban her dream-Grissom from her mind, but when she opened her eyes again, he was still there. "Tell me I'm still dreaming?" she asked him hopefully, closing her eyes again to once more free herself from this fool's paradise.

Grissom couldn't stop the small smile from forming on his lips when he heard the slight tremble in her voice. Sliding his fingers up and over her arm, he could feel the shockwaves coursing through her body and into his own. "Sara. You're not dreaming."

Gulping down the fearful nausea that had somehow found its way inside her throat, she slowly opened her eyes only to look away from him, embarrassment clearly evident on her face. "Oh."

"Sara?" he whispered softly, his voice trying desperately to coax her eyes to his own. He could feel the uncertainty in the trembling that overtook her body, and at this precise moment he couldn't remember a time when he had not loved her. Her closeness terrified him, but he fought with his fear to show her he was willing to try. Taking another breath, he moved away from her slightly, "I'm going to make us some coffee."

"I should go," she whispered suddenly, her own fear taking possession of her soul as she clambered uncertainly to her feet. The blanket that he had so lovingly placed around her fell to the floor in a messy heap, and, for a few heart-stopping moments, they both looked down towards it.

"You don't have to go," he told her at last, his voice sounding foreign to his ears.

"I've imposed on your time enough as it is," she told him softly; vestiges of uncertainty of what she was actually still doing here shining through in her voice. 

"Sara, it's only one coffee," he whispered as he tried to swallow the pang of regret that surfaced inside him. Had he pushed her away one time too many and now lost her forever?

Sara's mind screamed at her to react, but she was so numb she couldn't think of anything to say. Taking a deep breath, she resigned herself to the fact that she couldn't escape him even if she wanted to. "I really should go," she told him quietly, "My Yukon's out front and I know you wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea."

"Sara.."

"Thanks for the offer though," she nodded, turning slightly before offering him a small smile. "I'll get out of your hair now."

"Sara would you just stop," he snapped, angry more at himself than her refusal to listen to him. He instantly regretted his harshness when he saw the brief flicker of hurt cross over her eyes until the spark of anger flared in her brown depths.

"What do you want from me Grissom?" she asked then, her tone suddenly icy cold. "Is it your sole purpose in life to confuse me? Well congratulations, you've done that a thousand times already."

"Look," he sighed, taking a step closer towards her, relieved that she made no move to walk away. "I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. I just hope that some day you'll be able to forgive me."

"You know I can forgive you Grissom. I always forgive you and like some stupid sadistic idiot I come back for more." Turning around so she was facing him fully, she kept her voice cool even though inside she was dying with her need to go to him. "I am giving you what you've always wanted. I'm trying with all my might to leave you. That way you can get back on track with your life, living just as you did before we met. 

"Maybe I don't want that life anymore," he challenged.

"Yes you do," she told him with a sad smile, "you don't let anyone in far enough to actually get to know you. Well, except Catherine."

"Catherine?" he asked, surprised that her name had joined the conversation. "What has she got to do with us?"

"Us?" Sara asked, her voice suddenly dropping to a whisper, "There is no us, you made it quite clear that there never would be."

Taking another step closer, Grissom reached out to touch her hand only to have her snatch it away from his grasp. "Look Sara, please stay," he asked softly as he tried to calm his raging heartbeat, "I need to explain where I've been."

"You don't need to explain anything to me," she told him, the gentleness in his voice scaring her for a moment. "I know you think you do, but it's really none of my business."

"Don't say that Sara," he whispered, "please don't."

His voice unsettled her for a moment and she found herself aching to touch him. Nodding slightly, she looked up into his eyes. "One coffee," she whispered.

The smile that lit Grissom's face caused her heart to flutter somewhere between heaven and earth, and she knew instantly that she was powerless. How could she stop loving him when she had loved him for nearly half of her life? She watched as he turned from her and padded towards his kitchen, his blissful acceptance bringing a surge of love to her heart. Closing her eyes against the immense feelings that rampaged throughout her body, she pushed them away. She would lock them away inside her heart and only when she was alone would she unlock the passion to revel in the warmth. She could do this. She had to do this. Watching him as he walked around his kitchen, she memorized every inch of him so she could take it with her when he returned to the Gil Grissom she knew he would once again become. She loved him and she would have to love him from afar, just as she had always done. Moving over to his couch, she returned to the seat and watched him quietly, enjoying this side of him before he hid it from her completely.

TBC……


	2. 2

Sorry it's taken a while, RL is hectic at the moment. Huge thanks to Marlou for beta-ing

Grissom could feel her eyes upon him and for a moment he fought with every ounce of self-control to not turn around and face her. These growing feelings were causing havoc with his whole body and he didn't know how much longer her could keep up the façade of pretense, the countless acts of denial; they were creating havoc with his body and he no longer knew for how long he would be able to continue the charade. 

Closing his eyes briefly, he slowly contemplated what his next move should be. He knew he needed to explain some things to her, to try and make her understand his side of the story. He hadn't been rejecting her when she asked him to go out to dinner with her; he had been rejecting the situation. Not her. Never her. Taking a deep breath he reached down to pick up the two mugs and turned around.

Sara looked away as soon as he turned towards her, her guilty glances bringing a red flush to her cheeks. What in the world was she still doing here? Was she insane? She should have left ages ago. Perhaps she shouldn't have come at all! Before she had a chance to answer her own questions he was there, standing before her with a peace offering in his hands.

Sara knew the second that her fingers brushed his around the hot porcelain mug that she was lost. He still had the power to render her incapable of speech, and she was so certain that at times he relished the power he held over her. "Thanks," she managed in a choked whisper when she took the coffee from his hands.

The tension between them hung suspended in the air around them as they eyed each other. Coming to slowly sit down beside her, Grissom swallowed back the lump that had somehow risen into his throat constricting his speech.

"You don't have to tell me," Sara whispered softly as she gazed down into the dark swirling coffee in her mug. "I can leave here and we'll never speak of this again."

Finding his voice, Grissom turned towards her. "Sara, we need to talk about some things."

"Can I ask you something first?" she offered as she slowly lifted her eyes up into his. 

"I…yes," he nodded slowly, trying to keep the tremble out of his voice.

Leaning forward, Sara placed her mug on the table before sitting back again. For a heart stopping moment she struggled to keep the hurt out of her voice, and for a while she succeeded. "What's wrong with me?" she asked softly. 

"Sara?" he gasped, her question bringing a painful burst of guilt to stab at his heart.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that to come out the way it sounded," she told him, her lips curling up at the edges to offer him a false smile. "What I mean is, I can't ask Nick because he'll just lie to make me feel better, and Warrick, well he wouldn't answer because he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. There's Greg," she sighed, a small smile coming to her lips. "He's a great ego booster that one, but I need to hear the truth from someone who doesn't…." she stopped for a moment as she tried to find the right word to explain their relationship. "I need to hear it from someone who doesn't care about me." Turning to face him, she took another breath, this time staring directly into his eyes. "What is so wrong with me that guys cheat on me and refuse to be seen in public with me?"

Grissom could feel his throat constricting in sorrow with her words. How could she think he didn't care about her? Placing his mug on the table next to hers, he turned to face her. "I heard about what he did to you Sara, and I'm so very sorry."

Shaking her head, Sara tried so hard to offer him a smile but the quiver of her bottom lip made it almost impossible. "I didn't love him," she whispered, her voice straining against the lump in her throat. Averting her eyes from his, she started to relive the memory of betrayal. "It hurt at the time, but maybe I expected it in a way."

"Sara you were always too good for him." Shifting a little closer he reached out to take one of her hands in his. "Honey, you are a beautiful woman. There are hundreds of men who would be falling over themselves to date you."

Sara's eyes dropped to their joined hands. Any other time his words would have sustained her for weeks if not months, but today all they brought her was a deep, stinging heartache. A lone tear broke free to roll its way down her cheek, but she made no move to wipe it away. Lifting her eyes to his, she could feel his hand tightening around hers. "But not you?"

"Sara.." he groaned, closing his eyes against the truth that lay hidden from her for so long.

"Sorry," she whispered, pulling her hand from his to rise to her feet. "I think I should go."

"No…" he was on his feet in seconds beside her struggling to find the words she needed to hear.

"Look this was a bad idea, I shouldn't have come here," lifting a hand to swipe at her eyes, she started to look around for her purse.

"Sara," he started, stepping closer towards her to take a hold of her arms. "I need you to listen to me…please listen to me."

"To tell me what?" she snapped, coming around to face him angrily. 

"I care," he whispered, his voice cracking under the strain of his heart. "I care more than you think I do."

"Grissom I can't do this anymore," she wailed as she tried to escape his arms, "Please let me go."

"No," he told her, tightening his hold, "not until you listen to me."

His words hit her full force and she stopped struggling with his bonds to lift her haunted eyes to his own. "I'll listen to you and then this is over," she sniffed, "no more teasing and no more games. I can't take any more of your damn torture Grissom. I just can't."

Grissom was suddenly rocked by her words and found his eyes staring into the sadness of her eyes. Shaking his head, he maneuvered them back towards the couch and sat her down beside him. Her words still ached upon his heart and he found himself reliving every tiny moment of the times when they had been so close. "I'm sorry," he told her, the sincerity of his voice causing more tears to spring into her eyes. Tightening his hands on hers, he realized that he needed to put an end to their pain and move them forward before his actions swallowed them both completely, drowning them in fear and deep desire. "I can't give you the explanations you deserve. I can't give you the words you need to hear because I…." His voice trailed off, breaking with both guilt and aching sorrow.

Sara, despite her own shattered emotions, leaned forward to clutch his hand tighter, encouraging him to confide in her. "Why did you tell me you weren't on vacation?"

A glimmer of hope finally filtered through to Grissom's heart and he opened his eyes to find her gazing at him with such intensity that she literally took his breath away. "The night you asked me to dinner," he started, gathering courage from her closeness before he continued. "I need to explain why I turned you down."

"I understand you don't feel that way about me," she whispered sadly, resigning herself to the fact that maybe he never would.

"Sara please, just listen to me?" he pleaded. She was making this increasingly difficult for him to convey what he was actually feeling.

"Sorry," she sighed, dropping her gaze back down to their interlocked fingers.

"The last few weeks I've been recovering," he told her slowly, waiting for her reaction before he continued. Sara's eyes snapped up towards him again, her worry evident inside her deep brown eyes. "I'm fine," he offered, punctuating the fact with a squeeze of his hands. "I'd been trying to hide from an illness that took a hold of my life and threatened to take something that I depended on. I need you to understand that I was trying to deal with the situation, and your invitation came at a time when I was confused enough already."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice so soft he almost didn't hear her.

"No Sara don't be sorry," he told her with a slight smile. "If anything you gave me a lot to think about while I was struggling through the surgery."

"Surgery?" she gasped, her hands suddenly tightening around his, clenching him tightly as she urged him to look at her. "Are you alright? Are you sick?"

"No," he smiled, her concern warming him considerably. "I have a condition called Otosclerosis, causing gradually and sudden hereditary hear loss."

"So you had to have surgery to correct it?" she asked, concern for him outweighing every other feeling that had lain heavy upon her heart of late.

"Yes I did," he nodded with a smile. "So far everything is progressing well."

"I'm glad," she told him, retuning his smile with a bright one of her own. "If I'd have known I would never have asked you."

"No I'm glad you asked me Sara. You gave me a focus."

"At least I was good for something," she sighed sadly, the intensity of her heartache weighing her down once again. "Thanks for telling me, I know how private you are."

"Sara, that's not all I needed to tell you," he blurted quickly, drawing her attention back towards him again. "I've had a long time to think about a lot of things, and I think I'm ready to move forward."

"That's good Grissom," she nodded, happy that he could at last move on with his life again, but at the same time regretting that she had no place by his side. "I'm happy for you."

"Sara..? He started, totally unprepared for her misunderstanding him. "I meant I'm ready to take the next step."

"Oh…" she gasped, realization suddenly dawning on her. "Oh…but you..I…"

"I want us to be friends again," he told her hopefully, "can we at least try to find our footings?"

Sara gazed at him adoringly as he spoke, her need to keep him in her heart overwhelming. "I'd like that."

"You would?" he smiled, his lips bursting into a small grin as he released her hand reluctantly.

"Yes," she smiled slightly as she moved away from him. If friendship was all he would ever be able to offer her then that's what she would need to accept. "Listen, I'd really better get going. I need to shower before shift starts again." Standing up, she reached down by the side of his couch to pick up her discarded purse. 

"Are we okay?" he asked cautiously after her hastiness to retreat from the scene. Reaching for her again, he caught her hand seeking some kind of reassurance from her. "Sara?"

Silently clearing her throat she turned back around to face him. Lifting her eyes to his, she offered him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I think we are."

"Thank you," he sighed, relief shining throughout his deep blue eyes. Releasing her hand, he walked with her towards the door, opening it for her. "I'll see you later tonight?" he told her as he felt some of the emptiness slowly seeping away from him.

"Later," she nodded, offering him a smile before stepping out into the daylight and away from the tension that surrounded them. Stepping backwards, she watched him for a few seconds before turning away from him completely to walk down towards her Yukon.

Grissom's eyes followed her until she was out of sight before closing the door quietly, only to lean his back against the hard wood. If only he had the courage to tell her everything he so desperately needed to tell her. With a heavy sigh, he pulled away from the door and padded slowly over towards the table to retrieve their discarded mugs on the table. She was worth it, he told himself. She was worth everything.

TBC……….


	3. 3

Thanks for your reviews and to Marlou for her beat services…thanks hun, you're a star

That night, Grissom came into the lab with a new awareness forming around his body. His senses were on high alert and for the first time in many years he actually had felt a fluttering inside his heart. His conversation with Sara had been like a healing process for both of them, enabling them to move that one step forward towards what he hoped would be a natural conclusion. Sure he was still a little apprehensive and Sara scared him half to death, but compared with the hopeless feelings he had endured without her, this was just a minor incident of cold feet. 

"Hey Griss," Nick grinned as he looked up briefly from the game he was playing with Warrick. 

"Nicky," Grissom nodded, looking briefly at the two younger men before scanning the room for the one he really wanted to see.

Taking that as their cue to turn off the game, Warrick reached over and snapped off the TV.

"She's not here yet," Catherine told him, offering him a small knowing smirk as she spoke. She had known Grissom for many years, and to see he had finally pulled his head out of the microscope filled her with a new sense of hope.

Ignoring Catherine's statement, he looked down at the assignments in his hands. "Okay, Catherine, Nick you have a DB over at the Lucky Seven casino."

Standing up slowly, Catherine took the paper from his hand and offered him another smile. "Great," she nodded, "come on Nick. See you later guys."

"Later," Warrick drawled, his graveled voice enticing another smile from Catherine's lips. Giving him one last wave of her hand, she walked out of the door with Nick in tow.

"You've got a smash and grab," Grissom told him handing him the remaining paper. 

"Okay," Warrick nodded taking the assignment and scanning it quickly with his eyes.

Both men suddenly looked up when Sara came rushing into the break room, her face flushed and breathing hard. "I'm sorry I'm late, I didn't hear the alarm."

"Hey girl," Warrick grinned, ignoring Grissom as he stood to his feet and walked towards her to gather her in his arms. "You need some time off."

Pulling away from him slightly, Sara smiled up into Warrick's eyes. "Me? Time off? Are you nuts?"

"You work too hard," he told her seriously before pulling her into another quick hug. When he released her again, his worried eyes met hers once more. "How are you doing? Truthfully"

"I'm fine Warrick, don't ya worry about me."

"Well someone's gotta," he smiled.

"Oh Warrick stop," she beamed as she stepped away from him. "I'll try to get more sleep in the future, okay?"

"Hmmm now why do I not believe you?" Reaching out to her, he squeezed her shoulder in reassurance before stepping towards the door. "If you need anything…"

"I'll call," she nodded, beaming a smile in his direction. "Now go."

"Yes mom," he laughed and disappeared out of the room.

Silence hung in the air when Sara and Grissom once again found themselves alone. "Uh..Sorry I was late."

"Not a problem," he told her softly as he tried to hide the worry in his voice. The whole scene between Sara and Warrick seemed to repeat in slow motion over and over in his mind only resulting in bringing a heavy cloud of jealousy to rise up and engulf his heart.

Sara watched him silently, knowing that they both had to deal with their separate fears if they were going to work together again. "Okay," she breathed out the breath she had been holding, "have you got an assignment for me?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "you're with me."

Sara's eyes grew wide with surprise. It had been so long since she'd worked with him that she was beginning to wonder if he'd ever want her near him again. "Oh okay," she finally answered, edging towards the doorway, "I'll um, I'll go and get my stuff."

"Sara…" he started, halting her in her tracks to turn around and look at him questioningly. Taking a deep breath he tried to speak but no words would emerge.

"I know," she smiled softly knowing what he was trying to tell her, "me too."

Grissom's eyes followed her as she exited the room, part of him yearning to tell her just exactly what he needed to tell her, but the other part of him kept the veil of fear over his heart, guarding him from anything that would cause him pain. Looking down at the assignment slip in his hand, he let a tiny piece of fear slip from his heart. Tonight he would be working with her again. Tonight they would take that next step.

The crime scene was deadly quiet when they arrived. Shrouded in darkness, the lone body of a young woman laid sprawled out on the roadside. Brass was already attending the scene and looked up (from the body) when they both arrived walking side by side. 

"What have we got?" Grissom asked as he placed his field kit on the floor beside him.

"Looks like car tire tracks," Sara said softly as she walked up slowly towards the body to take a closer look. Placing her kit of the floor, she crouched down for a closer look at the deceased woman. She seemed to disappear into her own world of understanding, her recent heartache reaching out inside her to drag her heart even further down inside her chest. Opening her case, she snapped on some gloves, acting on autopilot.

Brass and Grissom watched on, exchanging worried glances at Sara's apparent lack of emotion. "She okay?" Brass asked quietly, dropping his voice low enough for only Grissom to hear.

Ignoring his comment, Grissom reached down to pick up his kit and walked over to join her. For a moment he just watched as she gathered pieces of evidence, nothing escaping beneath her scrutinizing eyes. She was one of the best CSI's that he had ever known, and to watch her work brought an astounding amount of pride to his heart. If anything, Sara was a perfectionist when it came to her work. She was tireless in her obsession to find those responsible, and although in some cases that was a valuable asset, in others it only hindered. Snapping on his gloves, he walked over to crouch down beside her. "What you got?"

"What does this look like to you?" she asked quickly, holding up a small object in her tweezers. Leaning in closer towards him, she offered up her find in order for him to gain a closer look.

"Hmm," he mumbled, reaching out to take her hand in his so he could twist her wrist slightly to see the object more closely. Her warmth seeped into his hand, filling him with a new sense of peace when he met her eyes. "Looks like part of an earring."

"Uhum," she nodded, "I found this beside her head. Could be part of a charm bracelet or something. I'll have Greg swab it for DNA." Moving her hand from his, she reached into her kit and pulled out a small bindle and placed the tiny object inside it.

Grissom watched her for a few seconds before pulling himself out of his reverie. Standing up, he shone his torch around the enclosing area. Walking towards the tire tracks, his eyes caught sight of something glistening on the road. "Sara?"

Looking up, she gazed over at him before standing up to join him. Pulling out her torch, she shone it in the same direction as he had his pointed. "Hit and run?"

"It's starting to look that way," he nodded. Sighing heavily, he looked back over towards the woman's body, trying in some way to find the answers that resurfaced inside his mind.

"I found something else," she murmured, her voice aching with deep-set sorrow. "Her face is all grazed."

"That could be from where she fell," he suggested, walking over towards the body with her.

"I don't think so," she sighed, "Look here." Pointing a finger down towards the woman's left cheek, she shone her torch and highlighted the deep bruising that had started to appear. "This woman was thrown from a car."

"Sara you're speculating," he warned softly, "We don't know all the facts."

"Look at the way she's laying Grissom," she argued, the Sara Sidle stubbornness resurfacing with defiance. "Her leg's obviously broken and her shoulder looks as if it's been dislocated."

"Look, I'm on your side," he sighed, offering her a small smile. "Let's just finish processing the area and wait until the coroner arrives." 

"Sorry," she smiled softly, "You're right. I'm just a little wired, ignore me."

"Warrick's right you know," he offered worriedly, his eyes scanning her pale face in the darkness.

"He's right about a lot of things," she grinned, "which thing in particular?"

"You need to have some time away."

Turning to him quickly she flashed him with angry eyes, "I'm fine."

"Sara…"

"I'm okay as long as I'm working," she told him quietly, some of the anger slipping from her voice. "It's when I stop that I begin remembering, and when I'm remembering the nightmares start. So I work to keep them away." Walking away from him, she berated herself for giving out too much information. He didn't care that she had nightmares. He didn't care that she relived that night over and over inside her mind every time she closed her eyes. Stepping back over towards the body, she forced the images out of her mind and focused on processing the scene.

Grissom watched her silently. She had given him a brief glimpse into her soul, enticing his curiosity. Sara Sidle had always been a closed book. She very rarely let anyone see the side of her that flowed with love and compassion. He knew she had a softer side; he'd witnessed it on more than one occasion. He just hoped he hadn't helped her close the book and shelve it forever because of his actions. Glancing over towards her briefly, he pushed the worry away. They had a job to do.

Back at the lab, Sara stood by Grissom's side in the morgue while Doc Robbins pointed out various scarring that covered the young woman's body. "She's been dead for around 14 hours," he told them. "These lacerations are the direct result of a blow to her head. See this mark?"

Leaning in closer, Sara gasped quietly. "What is that? It looks like a cigarette burn."

"Yes it is," he nodded, "And here, there are more spread out over her torso."

"So what are we looking at here Al?" Grissom asked worriedly, his own suspicions bringing a wave of nausea to rise up in his throat.

"She was tortured to death," Sara whispered, her eyes filling with tears that she quickly blinked away. Looking up at the two concerned men who gazed upon her, she shrugged her shoulders. "I've seen this before."

"When?" Grissom asked worriedly, wishing she were close enough for him to reach out a hand to touch her shoulder.

"In San Francisco there was a string of murders, very similar to this one." Walking around the other side of the table, she stood next to Al Robbins and bent down to examine the woman's shoulder. "The victim had a circle of burns on her back which at the time we figured was a symbol of ownership, you know, marking his kill."

"I was just coming to that," Robbins told her, stunned with her knowledge. Turning the body over, he heard a soft gasp escape from the woman beside him.

"Oh God," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears as she lifted her eyes towards Grissom. "It's the same mark as the other victims."

"So we have a serial," Grissom stated, his stomach churning with the thought of another evil presence haunting Las Vegas.

"The man who murdered those other girls was sentenced to death 3 years ago. If we were wrong and he didn't kill those other girls…." Sara stepped away from the table, her mind reeling from this new turn of events. "I need some air." Without looking back she pushed open the morgue doors, seeking her escape.

Both men stared after her in stunned silence, neither daring to speak for fear of breaking the atmosphere in the room.

"Gil," Al Robbins said at last, a heavy sigh on his lips, "she needs you."

Grissom met his eyes and nodded silently. Stepping backwards, he turned to walk out of the door and went in search of Sara, his heart aching with sudden loss. She may need him right now, but in truth, he needed her too.

Sara felt sick. The visions that haunted her mind came rushing back with the cool Vegas breeze. Gasping in a lungful of air, she closed her eyes against the rising sting of tears that threatened to overflow from her eyes. This couldn't be happening again. It couldn't be. Moving over towards her Yukon, she leant heavily against it as she gazed out over at the city lights. Her vision blurred with tears as the memories hit her full force, almost bringing her to her knees. Why couldn't all the pain be over?

Grissom stepped out of the doors and walked into the crisp night air. Scanning the darkness he spotted her slumped against her car and started to walk slowly over towards her. "Sara?"

She whirled around sharply, shock quickly dissolving into tears as she tried desperately to wipe them from her eyes. "I'm okay," she whimpered, "just give me a few minutes."

"No," he whispered, stepping closer, "you're not okay." Reaching out a hand, he touched her shoulder softly. He could feel the strain in her shoulders as she tried to regain some control over her emotions. "Sara.."

"Please Griss, just leave me alone for a few minutes," she begged, her voice cracking under the whirlwind of emotions.

Ignoring her pleas, he stepped up closer to wrap his arms around her from behind. "I've left you alone for far too long," he whispered, his fear dispersing as quickly as the wind that whirled around them. "Not any more Sara."

His words broke down her barriers and she crumbled against him. One tear followed another until she was consumed in her grief, her body shaking under the immense strain. Turning in his arms, she clung to him as she buried her face into his shirt and sobbed out all of her fears while he held her against him.

"It's okay now," he soothed softly. Pulling her closer, his lips brushed against her hair, lulling her sobs into submission as he held her through the war that nearly consumed her. "I'm here," he whispered, "I'm here."

TBC……


	4. 4

Thanks to everyone who is still reading and huge thanks to Marlou as always

 Grissom held onto Sara until her shaking had subsided to slowly die away. In all the time he had known her, he couldn't remember an instance where she openly bared her soul to anyone, that in itself caused more worry to seep into his heart. Gliding his hands down her back, he pulled her closer into his chest. "Feel better?" he whispered.

Sara closed her eyes tightly against the protective warmth of his arms. Taking a deep breath, she slowly began to disentangle herself from his embrace. "Sorry," she said softly bringing up a hand up to swipe the tears away from her eyes.

"Hey, nothing to be sorry about," he chided, bringing his hands back up her arms all the way to her shoulders and then her neck, to finally cup her face between his palms. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," she told him quickly, backing away from his touch abruptly. "We should really get back inside."

"Sara?" he started, aching to reach for her again, but she stood still, her sad eyes puncturing his soul. He wanted to give her so much right at this moment, but he knew that to push her would be to lose her, and losing her was a risk he wasn't prepared to take. Reaching out a hand, he slipped his arms quickly around her shoulders, guiding her in front of him so they could both return to the lab.

"Please don't say anything?" Her voice cracked under the intense pressure inside her chest. She had let her guard slip down before his eyes and as a result conveyed her weaknesses. After everything that had happened, or not happened between them, it was laid bare for all to see and right now Sara felt raw and exposed.

Grissom watched her silently as they walked, her words causing his heart to ache for her again. "Sara, no matter what you may think of me, do you really think that I would betray you so easily?" he asked softly.

"I don't know any more Grissom," she told him honestly as she chanced a glimpse into his solemn face, "I'd like to think you wouldn't."

Stopping in mid stride, he reached out to still her movements, bringing her around to face him. "I would never betray your trust Sara."

"But you already did," she whispered quietly, avoiding his eyes as she spoke. "You told Catherine that I asked you out. You may think it was hysterically funny, and maybe you both had a laugh at my expense, but from where I'm standing it damn well hurts."

Grissom stared open mouthed as she pulled her shoulder from his touch and turned around to trudge heavily back towards the lab, leaving him alone to stare after her in silence.

As she entered the lab once again, Sara made a beeline for the washroom. She needed to regain her composure and swallow back the aching misery that had held onto her with such force that she had to fight to breathe. What was happening to her? The long distant past that she had fought so desperately to bury only came back to haunt her time and time again. Why couldn't she just get over this and move on? Reaching down to the sink, she turned on the tap to release the cold water that she hoped would hide the evidence of tears from her face. Strength is what she needed, strength and support, something she doubted she would receive from anyone here. Splashing water over her face, she stood for a second to gaze at her own reflection in the mirror. Water dripped from her chin down onto her clothes, the water droplets making dark round patches on her shirt. Closing her eyes again against the memories that haunted her, she decided right there and then that this would all soon be over, one way or another. She just wasn't sure if she was prepared for the outcome. Soon everyone would know and then she would be under scrutinized stares and whispered gossip. Could she survive this again? Taking a deep breath, she grabbed a paper towel and dried her face. It was time to uncover the past and slay her demons once and for all and to do that she would have to tell the truth.

Grissom stood beside Doc Robbins while he pointed out more observations on the young woman's body. "You see here?" he asked, pointing to a small cut just below her left breast. "This was made by some kind of blunt instrument, possible a curved knife." 

"It's a butter knife," Sara announced as she came back into the room, fully composed and ready to face her demons head on. "The previous women were tortured before being killed." Coming further into the room, she glanced briefly towards Grissom, offering him a small smile before carrying on. "With your permission I'd like to call my friend and partner and inform him of the investigation, he worked the murders with me back in San Francisco."

"If you think it will help in any way," Grissom nodded, "yes of course."

"Thanks," she nodded, and turned around to leave the room.

"Gil is everything alright?" Al Robbins asked suddenly, causing Grissom to turn around and face him. "You both seem distracted."

"Everything's fine," Grissom nodded, indicating that this topic of conversation was over. "I'll be in Trace if you need me."

Doc Robbins watched him carefully as he left the room before turning back to the body on his table. With a heavy sigh, he returned to his task of further examination.

Later that night, Sara came into the break room for another cup of coffee only to find Catherine sitting at the table with her head in her hands. Watching her silently for a few seconds, Sara was torn between staying in the room, or to turn around and leave. Catherine and herself hadn't been getting along so well over the last week or so, and the last thing she wanted was another confrontation. Backing away quietly, she turned around to exit the room.

"Sara," Catherine called her name, halting her tracks. Turning around slowly, Sara stepped slowly back into the room. She knew that she could never be good friends with the blonde woman who now fixed her with her steely gaze, but Sara had always hoped they could have a professional working friendship.

"Grissom told me about your case and thought I might be able to help."

"Oh," Sara nodded, "well it's always good to have another set of eyes. At the moment we still don't have an identity."

"Well, as of now I'm heading the investigation," Catherine told her, standing up as she spoke. "So why don't you see if you can find…"

"Excuse me?" Sara asked quickly.

Before Catherine could respond, a tall dark haired man stepped into the doorway followed closely by Grissom. "Harvey?" he spoke softly.

Sara jumped visibly when she heard his voice and spun around in shock, which quickly turned to jubilation. "Mark," she gasped, a huge beaming smile forming on her face as she launched herself into his arms. "It's so good to see you," she told him as she released him to hold onto his hands. From his place behind, Grissom looked on with shocked awareness that quickly grew into a resounding bout of jealousy that which he hadn't felt in a long time. Watching carefully, he took a step closer, his eyes falling onto Catherine as she watched the pair with amusement.

"Oh it's good to see you too," Mark grinned, pulling her to him for another hug. "It's been too long."

"I know. I never seem to have any time to myself." Moving back from him again, she cast her worried eyes up towards his again. "I don't know what to do anymore Mark."

"It can't be the same man Harvey, you're just spooked, that's all." Lifting one of his hands, he rubbed his fingers through her hair gently.

"But what if it is?" she asked, "What if we put away the wrong man?"

"Sweetie, Alan Wilson's DNA was all over the last victim and he had strong links with the other three girls. You of all people know what he was capable of."

"I know," she groaned miserably, as she stepped into his embrace once more, seeking his warmth. "I see his face every time."

"Did you watch his execution?" Catherine asked suddenly, her cold voice causing the other three occupants in the room to look at her. Holding out her hand towards Mark, she offered him a cool smile, "Catherine Willows."

"Mark Burrows," he nodded as he gave her hand a slight shake, "and I went to witness the execution."

"Not Sara?" Catherine asked again, her eyes trained on the dark haired woman.

Pulling away from Mark, Sara turned towards Catherine and took a deep breath. "What do you want from me Catherine?"

"I want you to stop being overly emotional on these cases and get on with your job."

"Catherine.." Grissom interrupted, stepping further into the room to stand between Sara and Catherine.

"You're too lenient Gil," she told him, "I don't expect my authority to be questioned by a subordinate."

"Your authority?" Sara asked quickly as she glanced between both Catherine and Grissom. Realization slowly dawned on her and she fixed Grissom with accusations in her dark eyes. "You told her didn't you?"

"Sara…"

"No I knew you would," she told him, her anger growing steadily as she started to unbutton her shirt. "So Catherine, I'm too involved with Rape cases?" Her voice echoed around the room as it grew in pitch and volume, her anger bringing attention from other members of the lab who had stopped to look in on the two women as they glared at each other angrily.

"It's unprofessional, you are supposed to be the victims last voice, not be someone who wallows in pity" Catherine retorted.

"Pity?" Sara hissed, taking a step closer, "Is that what you think is going on here?"

"Well isn't it? Or are you just trying to get attention?"

"Catherine," Grissom warned worriedly as the tension rose in the room.

"No it's okay Grissom," Sara told him coldly, "you two tell each other everything don't you? So I suppose you've told her about my little breakdown too huh?"

"No, I…" Grissom turned towards her worriedly. Things had been growing steadily worse between the two women over the past few weeks, and he had hoped that they would sort out their differences. That hope quickly went down the drain as he watched the scene unfold in front of him.

Sara gasped back the sudden memory that hit her full force and brought a wave of tears along with it. Pulling the last button open on her shirt, she pulled it off of her shoulders angrily, her mind unregistering her state of undress. "Is this good enough for you Catherine?" she spat as she turned to bare her now faintly scarred back, which mirrored the other victim's, to the blonde woman, whose audible gasp echoed that of Grissom's. "Well is it?" When she heard no response, she threw her shirt back over her body and hurriedly fastened the buttons with shaking fingers.

"Sara?" Grissom's voice shook as he spoke, his need to comfort her outweighing every other emotion that cascaded over his heart.

"Save it," she told him, her voice quieter than before. Looking up towards her friend, she offered him a sad smile as she turned to flee from the room.

"And to think she left San Francisco for you," Mark told him, his voice humming in anger, "you backed her into a corner and now she's shown you the one thing that has haunted her for years. I hope you're proud of yourselves."

"I didn't know," Catherine whispered, her tear filled eyes flitting between Mark and Grissom. "I swear if I'd have known…"

"It's a little late for that now don't you think?" Mark told her coldly before turning towards Grissom. "I came here because Sara asked for my help. Looks like I arrived just in time doesn't it?"

"I assure you I would never do anything to hurt Sara," Grissom told him quickly, his voice betraying the aching pressure inside his heart. "Anything she may have told you is in the past."

"Look I'm here to work," Mark told him in resignation, "For some reason which I am still trying to understand, Sara holds you in high regard. I wouldn't be a good friend to her if I let my personal feelings control my actions."

"I'll go and find her," Catherine whispered, "I need to apologize." Pushing past Grissom, she walked through the door to go in search of the woman who didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of her bad mood.

Both men watched her retreating form before turning to eye each other suspiciously. "Why don't you show me the body?" Mark suggested, putting an end to the silence.

TBC


	5. 5

Catherine headed straight for the women's washroom; the first logical place where she knew Sara would head for. Her mind was reeling as she walked, Sara's visible scars still haunting her mind. She'd said some pretty awful things back in the break room, things she wished she could take back and bury along with all the other regrets that had started to pile up in her wake.

Coming to the washroom door, she pushed it open slowly as she entered into the dimly lit room. Catherine knew Sara wasn't one to take things to heart and pour out her tears to just anyone, not that she'd ever feel close enough to her to actually feel comfortable with that. No, Sara was a strong willed woman, and truth be told, that's why their personalities clashed so often. Taking a breath, she listened to the silence. Maybe Sara hadn't come to the sanctuary of this room after all. Just as she was about to turn around she heard a gagging sound, alerting her to another presence in the room. "Sara?" she asked cautiously as she took a further few steps, leading her away from the door.

The sound of someone vomiting violently caused her to take a step back and she wondered again if she had made an enormous mistake in coming here. She was torn with uncertainty as she heard the toilet flush, wondering whether she should go outside and give the other person some privacy, but she seemed to be fixed to the same spot, unable to move.

The cubicle door opened and Sara stepped out looking incredibly pale. She eyed Catherine warily as she walked slowly over towards the basins and turned on the cold-water tap. Splashing water over her face just as she had done earlier in the day, she caught sight of Catherine's reflection in the mirror, her eyes still upon her. "I don't want to argue anymore Catherine," she muttered tiredly, "Say whatever it is you want to say."

Taking a step closer, Catherine reached out a tentative hand and touched her shoulder. She could feel Sara's muscles tense beneath her shirt but she kept her hand still as she tried to instill some warmth into the young woman before her. "I'm sorry for the things I said to you. I had no idea."

Closing her eyes, Sara tried to control the shaking that desperately tried to permeate her body, but she fought it with everything she possessed, still unwilling to show her vulnerability, even now. She knew her voice would no doubt betray her turmoil, so she kept silent, still unsure of what she should say.

"I shouldn't have accused you of those things," Catherine continued, stepping closer as she spoke. "I've been under a lot of pressure with personal issues, and Lindsey. I'm sorry I took my frustrations out on you." She waited patiently for Sara to say something, anything, but she remained silent, her eyes still firmly closed. "Sara say something, please?"

"What do you want me to say?" Sara asked quietly as she opened her eyes.

"I don't know, anything. Yell, scream, swear at me, I don't care, just say something."

"I'm so tired," Sara whispered sadly, "I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of closing my eyes only to be thrust back into my nightmares. I'm tired of being alone."

"Honey you're not alone," Catherine told her softly as she came around to stand beside her. "You have all of us here."

"No I don't Catherine." Standing up straight, Sara turned around to face her. "I know if it came down to it and Grissom had to make a choice between us, I'm not so sure he'd ever pick me."

"Sara, we're not like that," Catherine squeezed her shoulder as she spoke. "Everyone here knows that Gil and I have been friends for a long time."

"Yeah I know, and my point is just that. You guys, all of you were together before I even came here, and the second I came into your lives you've never once tried to put some faith in me. None of you."

"Everyone trusts your abilities Sara, you've proved to us all time and time again just why Gil wanted you here."

"That's just my point Catherine," Sara sighed, "my abilities you trust, and that's all. As for Griss wanting me here, I'm not so sure he does anymore."

"Give him time Sara, he's too set in his ways to even begin to start letting someone else into his life." Stepping back, Catherine let her hand drop from Sara's shoulder as she fought to make her understand. "He told me about your invitation because he was confused, not because he wanted to mock you Sara. He's a lot of things, but that's not one of them."

Sara remained silent, her eyes avoiding Catherine's as she fought to keep the tears away from her eyes. She loved Grissom, maybe too much, and now, after all this time she wondered if maybe she needed to step away from him and give him the freedom to breathe.

"He didn't tell me anything else Sara," Catherine continued. "He wouldn't do that to you."

"You sound just like him," Sara whispered softly. She could feel the struggle with her tears beginning to wage a war within her heart, and she wasn't so sure she could control her emotions for much longer.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Catherine offered, lifting her hand to touch Sara's arm once more. "I don't know what happened to you, but I think I have a pretty good idea."

"You have no idea," Sara whispered, closing her eyes against the images invading her mind. "No one knows, and no one will EVER know."

"What about your friend?" Catherine asked quietly, "Couldn't you talk to him?"

"Mark?" Sara asked, opening her eyes to look directly into Catherine's. "He was the one who found me, he was there when…" Stopping mid sentence, Sara pulled away from Catherine's touch and looked at her reflection again in the mirror. "I'm a mess."

"Sara you're fine."

"Yeah," Sara huffed, "I think you nailed it before when you said I didn't bother about my appearance."

Catherine's mind cast back to the point in time when she had muttered those words to Sara. Another regret that was adding to all the others and she fought to find something to say that could erase that remark from Sara's memory. "I didn't mean that," she told her, "not in the way you think it was."

"I know what you meant Catherine," Sara sighed. "I'm damaged goods. I have too much emotional baggage for any man to invest any personal interest in." Turning to face the blonde woman beside her, Sara plastered a false smile onto her lips. "I think I'd better get back to work before Grissom gets pissy with me again and realizes that he doesn't really need me after all and fires me."

"Sara…" Catherine gasped at her words.

"Don't feel bad Catherine," Sara told her as she moved towards the door, "everyone here trusts you and supports you. You don't have to fight to survive, not in the way that I do."

"Sara listen.."

"To what Catherine?" Sara whispered sadly, her voice laced with suppressed anger. "None of you notice that I am struggling to breathe every second of every day. None of you notice that sometimes I lose the struggle and I'm almost drowning before your eyes. None of you care what happens to me, so please don't insult me by pretending that you do, okay?" Before she pulled the door open, Sara took a deep breath before she spoke again. "For Grissom's sake let's at least try and get along at work. We'll never be best friends, and you don't even have to like me, but for his sake, let's just pretend that everything's fine, at least until I can find another job. Then you can tell him how awful I really am."

"I would never do that Sara," Catherine told her through tears. "How could you ever think that I would?"

Turning around to face her, Sara fixed her with tear filled eyes. "How many times have you guys gone out to breakfast without me? When was the last time I was invited over to your place with the others? You won't even accept my contribution towards a birthday present for your daughter. Should I really go on?"

"I'm so sorry," Catherine told her as a tear escaped from her eyes. "I didn't realize you felt this way, I never understood you before."

"And you understand me now?" Sara scoffed, "Look it's no big deal, I've always been alone, I'm used to the isolation."

"Well you shouldn't be used to it dammit," Catherine groaned, stepping closer towards her. "You're not alone anymore, you're part of this family now Sara."

"I wish that was true Cath, I really do." Turning away from her, Sara pulled open the door to take a step out into the corridor, leaving a tearful Catherine to watch on helplessly as she left.

By the time Sara returned to the morgue she had all but banished the sorrow from her heart. She had to accept that she didn't belong here in any other capacity but for her ability to work. She didn't like the fact that work was all she was and had, but she understood now that maybe work was all she would ever have to offer.

Grissom looked up from the young woman's body when Sara came slowly into the room. His heart leapt inside his chest when he caught sight of her sad eyes. Beside him, Mark Burrows moved swiftly to her side to gather her into a friendly hug. "You okay?" he asked in a whisper.

"I'm fine Mark," she told him softly, her empty eyes conveying to him that it wasn't his arms she needed to feel around her right now, but she kept silent all the same. Moving away from him, she stepped around him to go and stand opposite Grissom, studying the woman's body as if the answers would leap out at her from sheer will alone.

"Sara?" Grissom asked, his voice no more than a whisper as he coaxed her eyes to his. He wanted to ask so many questions right now, but he didn't know where to start. Taking a breath, his eyes fell onto Sara's friend who had once again taken up residence by her side, and his words died on his lips.

"I'm fine," she told him by way of an answer, her eyes recognizing the tiniest glimmer of emotion in his blue depths. Dropping her eyes from his again, she looked down to the unknown woman on the table. "So is this the same MO as the other murders?"

"Harvey," Mark groaned, turning to her as he spoke. "It can't be the same MO honey, Alan Wilson is dead."

Sara's eyes darted up to Marks face, a flash of anger piercing her eyes. "Humor me," she told him before turning to Grissom, "Grissom, you know my capabilities right?"

"Of course," he nodded, unsure what else she expected him to say. He watched on uncertainly when Sara once again turned towards the man by her side. "You were there Mark, you know what he did. This woman bears all the same characteristics of the previous murders. Do I need to remind you how those women were tortured to death? I was almost.." Stopping mid sentence, she closed her eyes to regain some of her composure.

"Look Harvey"

"Sara," she told him angrily, "I no longer attend Harvard, my name is Sara. I suggest you use it." Stepping back, she turned to Grissom once more, "I'll be in Trace if you need me." She gave Mark one last glare before walking towards the door and made good her escape.

Moving to follow, Grissom moved swiftly around the table to capture Marks arm, holding him in his vice like grip. "Leave her," he commanded, his voice rising in sheer pitch and volume as he fixed Mark Burrows with determined eyes.

"I don't think you understand, she.."

"No. I don't think you understand," Grissom told him flatly. "You are here to assist in this case, not to hassle one of my CSI's."

"Sara is my concern," Mark challenged, hoping to bait Grissom further.

"From 11 P.M. until 7.30 A.M. she is MY concern. If you can't keep personal feeling out of the work place I suggest you leave."

"That's the difference between us Grissom," Mark told him angrily. "I care about her." Pulling his arm away from Grissom's grip, he stormed out of the doors and went in search of his friend.

Grissom watched the swinging doors, his mouth twitching in anger as he turned back towards Al Robbins and reverted back into Gil Grissom, CSI.

Sara looked up from the computer when Catherine came into the room carrying two cups of steaming coffee. "Hey," she offered softly as she came over to pull up a chair beside her.

"Hey," Sara nodded quietly, keeping her eyes fixed on the screen of missing persons that followed the same steady pattern one after another.

"Thought you could use one of these," Catherine smiled, holding out a Styrofoam cup to her. Sara's eyes left the screen and met the blonde woman's beside her. She could see the openness in Catherine's eyes and for a moment, Sara allowed her resolve to crack, just for a little while. Reaching out, she took the cup from her hands to take a grateful sip from the burning hot liquid. "Thanks."

"So any luck with our mystery woman?" Catherine asked as she tried to keep the conversation going even though it was strained.

"Nothing," Sara sighed sadly, her eyes returning to the screen. "This is the second time in three days that I have had to look for a young woman who no one seems to miss. I mean, is it just me or has there been an increase in rapes over the last few weeks?"

"Sara," Catherine whispered, placing her coffee down onto the table beside them. "You need to tell someone."

"What?" Sara asked quickly, her eyes darting to Catherine's only to return back to the screen to hide the burning tears that had started to gather in her eyes. "No."

"Sara?"

"No." Pushing herself back in her chair, Sara looked up towards the ceiling and then closed her eyes. "It's gone, in the past. No one else should have the nightmares I have."

"If you talked about it, then the nightmares would ease." Sitting forward in her chair, Catherine leaned over to touch Sara's arm lightly. "Think about it?"

"I've lived with the nightmares for over ten years Catherine, and no doubt I'll be plagued with them for a very long time to come. I wouldn't want anyone to suffer the way those girls did." Sitting back up in her chair, Sara once again began scrolling down the list of missing persons, indicating to Catherine that this topic of conversation was over.

Catherine watched her quietly, the worry inside her chest burning through into her eyes as she calmly sat beside the young woman who had shown everyone, time and time again, just why she was so good at what she did. So staying in her seat, she remained close-by hoping her presence showed Sara that she cared enough to still be here.

"There she is," Sara gasped triumphantly, turning to Catherine as she spoke. "Shauna Holmes, age 22, she's been missing since Tuesday."

"Good work Sara," Catherine beamed. "I'll find Brass."

"Ok, I'll go and bug Greg. We need that DNA." Both women stood and walked simultaneously towards the door. "See you later."

Catherine turned and offered her another smile, "Later."


	6. 6

Greg smiled a beaming smile towards Sara as she entered his lab. "Hey Sara."

"You got anything for me Greg?" she asked, smiling despite the emptiness aching inside her heart. The young lab tech came closer towards her, his eyebrow furrowed in an attempt to seduce her.

"For you," he grinned, "I have much to offer."

"Down boy," she giggled, "I'm only here for the results."

"I'm hurt," he sighed, clasping a hand over his chest as he faked a broken heart. "You only want me for my DNA!"

"Well not your DNA per say," she grinned, "more like the mystery DNA."

"Ahh well, then I can help you," he smiled as he retrieved the results from his table to hand it over to her. He watched her intently as she looked down at the paper in her hands, her eyes focused in concentration.

"Male unknown?" she asked with a sigh.

"Give me something to compare it to," he told her with a smile. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Hmm?" she asked quietly, her eyes still studying the results in her hand as if the man's identity would suddenly materialize in print. Looking up, she caught the concern in Greg's eyes. "Sorry, did you ask me something?"

Opening his mouth to speak, his words died on his lips when a tall dark haired man entered in through the doorway. "Sara, I've been looking for you."

"Well now you've found me," she muttered as she avoided his eyes.

"I've had a thought, would you like to check it out with me?" Stepping closer, he reached in closer to her, but his hand accidentally caught a glass vile and sent it crashing to the floor. "Jeeze, I'm sorry."  Stooping down, he started to gather up pieces of glass, cutting his fingers in the process, his blood dripping over Greg's table.

"Here, take this for a second," Sara told him as she handed him a glass jar to catch the blood flow. "I'll go and get something to stop the bleeding." 

When she had gone, Mark offered Greg an apologetic smile, "I'm so sorry."

"Hey it's cool, don't worry about it."

"I'm Mark Burrows by the way. I'm an old friend of Sara's." Nodding over to the young lab tech, he offered a greeting by way of a smile.

"Greg," he nodded back, his eyes watching the other man tentatively as Sara came racing back into the room. Grabbing the glass from Marks fingers, she placed it on the table and proceeded to wrap his fingers in a wet towel.

"Thanks honey," he drawled as she took his hand in hers. "You always did take good care of me."

"Don't let it go to your head Mark," she smiled, "and don't call me honey."

"Sorry," he grinned apologetically. "You ready to get out of here?"

"Does Grissom know?" she asked him curiously. "He needs to know where I am in case something comes up."

"Yeah he knows," Mark nodded. "We're going back to the murder site."

"Okay," she nodded, ushering him out of the door only to glance back at Greg. "Page me if you find anything?"

"Of course," he nodded as he watched them leave. Dropping his eyes down to the blood gathered in the bottom of the glass jar, he picked it up, an idea hitting him momentarily. "Okay Mark Burrows, let's see what you're made of."

Catherine and Brass arrived at the victim's house to find the front door open. Pulling his gun out of its holster, Jim Brass motioned for Catherine to stay behind him while he stepped inside. "POLICE," he called cautiously. "ANYONE HERE?"

Following closely behind him, Catherine mimicked his movements, her own weapon drawn.

Going into each of the rooms, they found the house empty but the signs of a struggle evident. "I'm calling it in," Brass told her as he made to step outside.

"Yeah, I'll call Grissom. He'll want to be here for this." Taking out her phone, she dialed in Grissom's number and held it to her ear. "Yeah it's Catherine, we're at the victims house. There's signs of a struggle, I'm just about to start processing."

Back at the lab, Grissom poked his head around the various different departments in search of Sara, but he couldn't find her anywhere. Coming into Greg's lab he called out to the man who had his back turned from him. "Greg, have you seen Sara?"

Turning around, Greg looked down at the paper in his hands and then into Grissom's face, shock registering in his eyes. "I've found a match to the killer."

"You have? Excellent work Greg," Grissom smiled as he came further into the room.

"No you don't understand. Sara, she's…" Taking a gulp of air, Greg thrust the paper towards Grissom's hand. "I matched the DNA to Mark Burrows."

"What?" Grissom asked, his voice rising in disbelief. "How?"

"No time," Greg told him, his voice shaking as he spoke. "Sara, she's with him."

"What? She's what?" Grissom dropped crunched up the paper in his hands and took a step back. "Where…where has she gone?"

"He told her you knew," Greg told him as his body started to shake. "Sara asked him if you knew about it."

"Greg, tell me where they went."

"I should have stopped her, I should have…"

"GREG," Grissom bellowed, panic settling in his chest as he grabbed Greg's shoulders. "Where did they go?"

"The crime scene," he stuttered, stepping back when Grissom released his shoulders. "He's taken her back to the crime scene."

Back at the house, Catherine picked up a strand of what appeared to be silk in between her tweezers. Moving it closer to get a better look, she fought to remember why the colour seemed so familiar to her. Picking up a small bindle, she placed the strand inside and stood up, starting to scour every inch of the room with her eyes.

"Catherine," Brass called from the doorway, the urgency in his voice causing her to look up at him. "Greg found a match to a Mark Burrows, Sara's friend."

"Oh God," Catherine gasped. "Does Sara know?"

"No idea," he told her solemnly, "But wherever he is, he has Sara." 

"WHAT?"

"I have to go, but there's a guard posted outside and I've been told to tell you that Warrick and Nick are on their way to help you process."

"Okay," she nodded. Her heart was pounding against her chest, how could this be happening? Taking a deep breath, she returned her attention back to the scene before her. She had to help Sara in the only way she could right now. She had to find something to put Mark Burrows behind bars for good.

Sara watched the scenery rush past her window as they drove over the dusty paths that led towards their most recent crime scene. Her mind was swimming with insecurities as she watched the outside blur away.

"You okay Harvey?" Mark asked worriedly as he glanced over at her before returning his eyes to the road.

"Yeah," she sighed, "just thinking."

"Ahhh," he nodded with a smile, "you know it's always dangerous to do that."

"Mark stop it," she whispered sadly as she closed her eyes. "It doesn't work on me anymore."

"It used to," he told her, more than a little anger in his voice. Turning the bend in the road, he could see the crime scene up ahead, the yellow police tape billowing in the wind. "We're here," he told her coldly as he brought the car to a stop.

"Mark.." she started, trying to find a way to apologize, but her mind was blank.

"Come on," he told her, swinging open his door so he could climb out. He didn't look back as he strode over towards the murder site.

"Great going Sidle," she huffed to herself. "Two guys pissed at you in one day, must be some kind of record!" Swinging open her door, she eased herself out of the vehicle, her cell phone snagging the door as it fell to the ground unnoticed.  Sara could see him crouched over up ahead and started to berate herself for being so stupid. What the hell was she doing here anyway? Stepping up closer towards him, she crouched down beside him. "I'm sorry."

Turning his head towards her, he watched her carefully. He had known her for many years now, and seeing her now in so much pain should have brought him to a compassionate climb, but it did nothing. 

"Was he worth it?" he asked suddenly, watching her carefully for her reaction. Reaching out a hand, he grasped her wrist to pull her roughly to her feet.

"Mark, that hurts," she growled, "let me go."

"Answer me bitch," he spat, grabbing her other wrist tightly so he held her captive. "Was he worth leaving me for?"

"I didn't leave you Mark," she seethed, anger dripping from her voice as she spoke. "I was never with you."

"After all I did for you," he raged, squeezing her wrists tightly, causing her to yelp in pain. "Alan Wilson was gonna rape you and I stopped him."

"I know you did and I'm grateful," she winced as he tightened his hold. "You saved my life."

"For what?" he seethed, yanking her to him so she was close enough to feel his breath on her face. "You ran to another man. You dumped me and ran."

"I didn't dump you," Sara's mind was screaming out at her for answers as she struggled to free herself from his grip. "I wasn't with you."

"WHORE." He growled, releasing her suddenly to shove her to the ground. "I should have let him kill you."

"Don't say that Mark," she whispered as she pushed herself backwards with her elbows, anything to escape the madness of his eyes.

"I shoulda let him have you." Striding up towards her, her grabbed her hair in his fists, yanking her up to ram her against a tree. He watched her eyes cloud in pain and relished the feel of her trembling body against his. "Where's your precious Grissom now huh?" Releasing her hair, he dug his fingers into her shoulders, his nails drawing blood from her flesh.

Sara bit her lip to stop herself from crying out. She was going to die. She was going to die here and no one would know what happened. Her investigator mind took over and pleaded with her body to respond. Lifting her hand, Sara dug her nails into Marks face, scraping her talons down his cheek to gather a mixture of blood and skin beneath them.

Yelping in pain, he released his hold momentarily and stepped back, but only for a moment. Anger flared in his eyes and he lunged towards her, catching her around the throat to squeeze painfully against her flesh. "BITCH."

"Mark," she croaked, gasping for breath as she struggled to pull his hands from her throat.

"You're gonna die for him now. I'm gonna finish what Alan Wilson intended for you." Releasing her, he watched as she slid down the tree trunk, her hands instantly grasping her chest as she fought to breathe. With one hand, she reached to her belt with trembling fingers, searching for her gun, but it wasn't there.

"Looking for this?" Mark smirked as he waved the gun in the air before pointing it directly towards her head. "Shot with your own gun," he grinned, "but no, that's not good enough for you."

"Why?" she whispered throatily, her chest rising and falling laboriously against the pain hurt. "Tell me why?"

"Why?" he grinned. "You left me. I saved you and you left me."

"I wasn't yours," she breathed, her chest constricting painfully as she spoke. "We were never together."

"I loved you," he spat, coming closer to nudge the cold metal of the gun against her face, "but you ran to HIM."

"No Mark," she told him, closing her eyes against the fear inside her. "He doesn't love me, he never has."

"Aww, you almost got me crying here," he grinned only to ram the gun further into her cheek. "I should blow a hole in your pretty little head for that."

"Then do it," she growled, her anger returning with a force so strong he was taken aback for a second. "Get it over with," she seethed, "You want to kill me then just do it."

Mark watched her with fascination. He'd expected her to at least cry, or maybe beg for her life, but he should have known that Sara Sidle would never go down without a fight. Pulling the gun away from her face, he stepped back. "No not yet," he smirked as he moved one of his hands to his belt. "I have other plans for you first."

Sara watched on in horror as the realization suddenly hit her. He was going to finish what Alan Wilson couldn't, and that meant…rape. Blind panic took over her senses and she pulled herself to her feet. "No….nononono," she muttered, shaking her head as she backed up further towards the trees. "Not again, no. NO."

"He never did love you did he?" Mark asked as he advanced towards her. "Gil Grissom was nothing but a fantasy wasn't he?"

Sara looked behind her and turned to run, but he caught her in his grip. Throwing her to the ground, he loomed over her menacingly, enjoying the fear in her eyes.

From somewhere behind them, several cars screeched to a halt and Brass, followed closely by Grissom and several officers, invaded the scene. Drawing his weapon, Brass advanced towards them, his weapon drawn. "MOVE AWAY."

"Oh now it's a party," Mark grinned as he stooped to yank Sara off the ground placing her in front of him. Bringing the gun up, he lifted it to her temple, the cold metal cooling her heated skin. "She's got to die."

"Mark," Grissom stepped from behind Brass, his body trembling with fear when he caught sight of the woman he loved. "Let her go."

"Oh lookie sweetheart," Mark drawled in her ear, "it's your boyfriend." Jabbing the barrel of the gun further into her skin, he grinned over at Grissom. "Just in time to watch her die."

"DROP YOUR WEAPON," Brass warned again, his eyes darting to Grissom in warning to stay back.

"Make me." Mark grinned menacingly as he snaked his tongue out to lick Sara's face. "I killed her for you," he whispered, "she had to die because of you."

Sara closed her eyes against his words, her mind trying desperately to blank out the feel of his tongue on her skin. She heard him load the gun and knew it wouldn't be long before she would be free of pain. Opening her eyes, she stared directly into Grissom's panic stricken face, memorizing his features so she could take them with her to the afterlife. She wanted to tell him she loved him, she needed to tell him so much, but she kept silent, waiting for the end to come. But it never came. A bang sounded through the air and she felt Marks grip on her body begin to loosen. For a moment she waited for the end. Had she been shot? Why didn't she feel any pain? There should be pain. Everything passed in a blur as she started to fall only to be caught in someone's arms.

"It's okay now honey," Grissom whispered, holding her tightly against him protectively. "It's all over now."

Brass came over towards Mark Burrows, his body wreathing in agony as he held his bleeding knee. "You shot me," he wailed, "you bastard."

"I would have loved to have done a whole lot more believe me," Brass told him angrily, motioning for two officers to handcuff him. " Read him his rights." Turning away from the scene, he walked slowly over towards Grissom who was holding Sara tightly in his arms. It should have been over, but he could see from here that Sara's arms were limp and she failed to return the embrace. Stepping closer, he crouched down to take a closer look at the young woman in Grissom's arms. 

"Sara?"

If she had heard him she didn't respond. Her eyes stared into nothingness. Panic started to set into Brass' heart as he helped both Sara and Grissom to stand. Both men exchanged worried glances as she looked behind her at the man she had once called friend. "I'm a evidence," she whispered emptily, breaking away from Grissom to begin the slow walk towards her car.

TBC


	7. 7

Here's the final part…thanks to everyone for their feedback. Hugs to Marlou as always for beat-ing

Grissom followed Sara closely as she swayed slightly, only to stop and regain her balance before walking any further. Images blurred her vision, unleashing her demons, taking her to new realms of fear. Her mind swam with turmoil, bringing her past to merge with the present.

Closing her eyes briefly, she seemed to lose all ability to focus as the ground whirled around beneath her. Falling to her knees, she could feel the nausea rising inside her throat, retching painfully as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the dust that surrounded her.

"It's okay," Grissom spoke softly from somewhere behind her, his hand rubbing her back while she continued to throw up. Looking up towards Brass, he indicated for him to leave them alone for a few minutes, his need to show her that he was by her side overwhelming his senses and rationale. Nodding his approval, Brass stepped away, turning his attention back to the man who had brought one of the strongest women he had ever known to her knees.

Grissom watched Sara worriedly as she started to sit back up, her stomach emptied of what little she had managed to eat only a few hours earlier. Reaching out a hand to her arm, he pulled her up gently so that she was standing by his side. "How do you feel?" He watched for any sign of recognition, but she gave none. "Sara?" he asked again, this time turning her around to face him.

Sara looked at him, staring at him blankly, but her unseeing eyes failed to see the wet pools forming in his eyes. She could feel his presence and part of her longed to reach out to him, but the claws of fear held her back.

"Sara?" he whispered again, his voice breaking under the immense strain over his heart. "Honey please talk to me."

His voice seemed to cut through the images clouding her mind, melting them away until she could see him for the first time. "Grissom?' she asked softly, part of her still afraid that she was submerged in dreams.

"Yes." He gasped in relief, as he lifted one of his arms to encircle her shoulder. "You're going to be okay."

"Mark?" she asked, moving to look behind her until Grissom pulled on her arm to return her to him. At first she fought his hold until his gentle touch coaxed her back to his eyes.

"Brass will handle him."

"We have to process the scene," she told him, "me, I'm evidence, you have to process me."

"Not here Sara," he told her gently. "When you're away from here."

"I…"

Catching her hand, he came around to face her as he tried to keep the tremble from his voice. "I want to take you away from here."

"No, you have to process me now." Her body started to tremble as she moved her shaking fingers to the buttons on her shirt, fumbling miserably as she tried to pull the material free from her body. "Help me get this off," she muttered frantically, tugging forcefully.

"Sara," he soothed, reaching out to still her hands. "Catherine will be here soon and she'll help you to change."

"I don't care," she groaned, her voice breaking. "Please help me get these off. I need them off me."

"Okay," he sighed, maneuvering her over towards the Yukon, which was still parked with the door open. "Let me get my kit and I'll find something for you to change in to."

"I need this off me," she told him again, her trembling body shuddering under the intense strain of her ordeal. Her clothes smelt of Mark. Her hair, her skin, everything smelt of him and she needed to be free of their restraining bonds around her body. "Grissom, get it off me." 

Gil Grissom had seen many sights in his life, but nothing had broken his heart more than the sight of the woman before him, broken and bruised. He wanted to hold her, to softly caress all her fears away, but she needed him to be strong for her. Stepping closer towards her, he took her hands in his, holding them sandwiched between his own. "Sara look at me?"

Shaking her head, she pulled against his hands. "I can't look at you," she whispered brokenly. 

"Honey please?"

"I saw his eyes," she growled, her anger making a brief appearance before disappearing once more behind a veil of self-loathing. "You don't want to look at me, I'm not good enough to be looked at."

"Sara don't you say that. Don't ever say that." Gripping her hands tighter, her tried everything he could think of to coax her eyes to his, but she refused to meet his gaze.

"He was going to.." Closing her eyes to block out the memories, she began to tremble violently before pulling away from his hands to begin raking at her clothes once more. She ripped at the buttons, taking no care in keeping the clothing intact.

"Honey slow down," Grissom told her softly as he pulled her closer towards the open door of the Yukon. "You have to preserve the evidence, can you do that for me?"

The softness in his voice brought fresh tears to her eyes and she at last met his. She noticed the wetness in his blue depths and for a moment his emotions scared her. Every feeling, every tiny ounce of resolve bombarded her all at once. Her bottom lip began to tremble under the intense pain inside her heart, but she fought it off with every part of defiance that she still had residing inside her. Backing away from him, she nodded silently, unwilling to be consumed by the numbing fear that had threatened to swallow her whole. She had broken down in front of him once already, she couldn't do it again. Taking it slowly this time, she kept her eyes focused on his face as she popped one button, followed by another until the shirt hung loosely from her shoulders. Wordlessly, Grissom held open a large brown bag for her to place the offending item into, taping it closed when she had done so.

Reaching behind her, he pulled a jumpsuit from the back seat and tried not to look at her exposed skin while she rid her body of her jeans, but the more of her skin was revealed, the more he found it difficult to look away. Pulling out another large brown bag, he held it open, concentrating on anything that would distract him from her body.

When she was free of her jeans, she dumped them into the offered bag and pulled the jumpsuit up over her body. Her hands trembled as she tried to pop the buttons closed, but her fingers refused to co-operate.

"Want some help?" he asked softly when he turned back around to watch her battling with the material.

Wordlessly, her hands fell limp to her sides and she nodded in defeat. Their eyes met when he stepped closer, his fingers brushing her skin. Both of them felt the bolt of electricity run through their bodies, and in that moment Sara couldn't think of anyone who she would rather have heal her wounds than him. Closing her eyes tightly against the intruding thoughts clouding her brain, she pushed the visions to the far reaches of her mind. It was never going to happen, she was alone. She had to accept the fact that she was, and always would be.

"There," he whispered gravelly, "done." He was about to turn around again when she held out a shaking hand to him. She watched the confusion cloud in his eyes and for a brief moment she couldn't find her voice.

"My nails," she told him quietly. "I scratched him so that after he…after I…" Taking a shuddering breath, she met his eyes, begging him to understand.

Nodding silently, Grissom swallowed down the nausea that threatened to engulf him. He knew she would leave him clues, a CSI until the very end. The fact that she was willing to face her own death brought so much pain to his heart that he thought his knees might just buckle beneath him. If they had arrived a few minutes later…

Reaching into his field kit, he pulled out a small bindle and lifted her fingers above the opening as he scraped the skin beneath her nails. She watched him while he worked, her eyes seeking solace in the very essence of him. He was her healer, even though he may be an unwilling participant.

"My face," she told him as he closed the lid of his kit. He turned back to her questioningly, looking to her skin with a shocking discovery. Small bruises had started to appear on her cheeks, and another at her temple. Casting his mind back, he remembered when the barrel of the gun pressed deeply into her skin. "He licked my face," she whispered, lifting her head giving him the side of her face like some kind of offering. Grissom could feel his heart breaking as he pulled more swabs from his kit. Hadn't she been through enough already?

When he had done the necessary task, he popped the tube containing the swab closed and placed it in his kit. "I have to do one more thing Sara and this will all be over. Okay?"

Meeting his eyes, she nodded her assent, knowing that he needed to photograph her face, which was most probably bruised by now. Closing her eyes, she waited for the flash of the camera and the click indicating the picture had been taken before opening her eyes once more.

"We're finished here," he told her, unable to hide the affection in his voice any longer. "Why don't you sit in the car? As soon as Catherine gets here, I can take you home."

Nodding silently, Sara turned and climbed into the seat, her stomach rolling with the thought of being alone once more.

A few minutes before Grissom joined her, another vehicle pulled up beside Brass' car. He could see Nick, Warrick and Catherine inside. Jumping out of the car, Catherine raced to his side. "Where is she? Is she alright?"

Grissom watched her numbly as he nodded towards the parked Yukon with Sara sitting inside. She was staring down at her hands, unmoving.

"Oh thank God," Catherine gasped, turning towards Sara.

"No," Grissom pulled her back, "she's not doing too good."

"Where's Sara?" Nick asked urgently as he and Warrick practically ran over towards them. "Is she…?"

"Oh no," Warrick muttered when he followed Catherine's eyes to see Sara inside the Yukon's confines.

"She'll be alright," Grissom told them, not quite believing his own words as he started to walk away from them. As an afterthought, he turned back. "I need you to take the evidence back to the lab and we need every inch of this scene processed."

Stepping closer, Catherine grabbed hold of his hand and squeezed his fingers. "Tell her we're thinking of her."

"Yeah, give her our love," Nick added.

"I will," Grissom nodded gratefully. Moving away from them, he walked slowly up to the vehicle containing its precious passenger and climbed inside to join her. He looked at her briefly before starting the engine to take her away from the scene.

They drove in silence; Sara's eyes watching the scenery pass her by in a blur. She couldn't escape from the images that still haunted her mind and no amount of trying to block them out, worked. A silent tear slid from her eyes to make a wet track down her cheek, but she couldn't seem to move to brush it away.

"It's going to be alright Sara," Grissom whispered softly when he saw her face contorted with pain. He needed to keep her close to him in any way possible and he also wanted her to understand just how much he really loved her. "I'm taking you to my house," he told her, willing her to hear him.

Beside him, Sara heard his voice crashing through her memories to bring a blinkered sense of security. She didn't want to be alone tonight, but how could she not be? Turning to him, she watched his face silently, studying his features that she had already memorized a thousand times over. After all this time, he still managed to take her breath away. Leaning back in her seat, she closed her eyes tiredly. She wanted to be consumed into darkness, just for a little while. She needed to find peace.

Grissom stopped the Yukon outside his town house and looked over at the woman who had always captured his heart with her beauty and her strength. Reaching out to her, he touched her hand gently to rouse her. "Sara."

Her eyes sprung open and she sat bolt upright, staring at him with fear so evident in her eyes. "It's okay," he soothed, increasing the soft pressure on her hand. "We're here."

Taking a deep breath, Sara closed her eyes briefly as she tried to calm her racing heart. When she re-opened her eyes, she could see his concern as he gazed upon her face and she felt something shatter inside of her. Her eyes welled with tears as she tried to escape the snare of his eyes, but he held her firm, his commanding presence dominating her senses. "It's okay to cry Sara."

"I'm fine," she told him unconvincingly, her voice almost inaudible.

"No," he told her firmly, shaking her gently so that her attention focused on him again. "No, you're not fine. I won't leave you alone tonight."

His words unlocked the trembling emotions that begged to be freed from her self made prison, but she held them back. She couldn't break down, not again. If he saw how weak she really was then she would lose him forever and to lose him now when she needed his comfort…

"Come on," he told her as he opened his door to walk around her side of the car to pull her door open. "Let's get you inside." He held onto her hand, helping her out of the Yukon then slammed the door shut when she was free. Guiding her to his house, he held onto her hand with his own and opened his door with his free hand. Ushering her inside, he closed the door and locked it behind them. 

Sara's eyes failed to leave him as he gently tugged her with him towards his bathroom. "You can get cleaned up Sara and I'll make you something to eat." Not expecting a reply, he maneuvered her to sit down on the toilet seat while he turned on the shower. In seconds steam billowed into the small room and he reached down to pull her up to stand with him again. "I'll give you some privacy." Stepping back, he loosened his hands around hers, but she squeezed his fingers tighter.

"Don't leave," she said quietly, her wide eyes begging for him to understand that she needed him. Grissom watched her carefully and for once ignored the fear that crept inside him. Stepping closer to her, he untangled one of his hands from hers to slide it gently up her arm and shoulder, to cup her face. He asked her with his eyes if she was sure she wanted him here, and she nodded numbly, her need for his presence conquering any denials he may have had.

Reaching out his other hand, he started to undo the buttons on her jumpsuit, helping her rid herself of the cumbersome garment that still held her dignity intact. "Sara," he whispered suddenly, his voice shaking along with his hands. "You finish getting undressed and I'll find something for you to change into."

For a heartbeat, he almost turned and made good his escape, but something in her eyes kept him grounded to the same spot. He could see the uncertainties in her deep brown orbs, and something else, which he couldn't quite fathom. His resolve snapped and shattered into a thousand pieces as she willingly began to disengage from his touch, giving him the escape he so desperately craved. In that one precious moment, he saw her soul bared before him. She needed his love and his strength to conquer this nightmare, and he knew he had to surrender to her, now more than ever. "I'll be right here," he told her gently, his voice shaking as he helped to slip the jumpsuit from her shoulders, "I'll stay for as long as you need me."

His closeness seemed to calm her and she soon found herself bathed in his warmth. His hands slid over her bare shoulders, pushing the material away from her body until she stood before him clad only in her underwear. "Sara…" he started, still unsure of himself as he touched her bare skin. With trembling fingers, he stepped closer so that his fully clothed body was pressed dangerously close to hers. "Shall I turn away? What do I do?"

Swallowing back the tears that bound together to bring the rising lump to her throat, she met his eyes with her own. In all the times she had gazed upon this beautiful man, she had always kept her feelings guarded, but tonight, in this precise moment, she couldn't hold back her emotions any longer. He healed her with his touch and his presence, and he was all she needed right now to be free of the emotional restraints that had held her captive for so long. Reaching her hands behind her, she unclasped her bra and let the soft material fall to the floor with the discarded jumpsuit. Their eyes held as she removed the remaining barrier that encompassed her body until she stood naked before him.

Grissom's heart was racing as he helped her climb into the tub and step under the hot sprays of water that enveloped her body. It wasn't until the surrounding steam safely encompassed her that he let his eyes roam over her pale skin. He had known this woman for so many years now, and yet, he really didn't know her at all. She had been alone and in pain, yet he failed to look beneath her surface and see that she was crying inside. Her bravery touched him deeply; it always had, but now more than ever he needed her to know that she spoke to his heart in so many different ways. He watched her now as she stood beneath the water, her body unmoving. The emotion that had threatened to engulf him earlier came back to his eyes with such force that he had to catch a sob before it escaped his throat. She needed him to be strong, but why wouldn't his eyes stop welling with tears?

Sara opened her eyes from inside the shower and turned her head to watch him silently. His tears broke what was left of her shattered heart and she had to fight to keep her own emotions at bay. Reaching her hands down to the taps, she turned off the water and grabbed at the bath towel he thrust in her direction. Wrapping herself up inside the warm cocoon, she stepped down from the tub, holding his offered hand as she did. She could feel the heavy burden of tears threatening to overflow from her eyes, but still she fought for control. 

Grissom swallowed back his own emotions as he led her out of the small room and down the hall until they came to his bedroom. "Sit down Sara," he whispered gravelly, steering her to sit on the edge of his bed. "I'll find you something to wear."

Sitting on the edge of the mattress, she nodded numbly, keeping her eyes carefully averted from his gaze. If she looked into his, she would most definitely lose the struggle with her fragile balance. Deciding on a safe approach, she closed her eyes. She listened as he rifled through drawers, and only opened them again when she felt him sit beside her on the bed. "Sara?"

Looking towards the offering in his hands, she took the shirt and boxers from him gratefully, half expecting him to leave her side, but he didn't.

"Let me help you," he whispered softly as he began to rub the soft towel over her shoulders to soak up the droplets of water that still rained down onto her skin. Relief followed as she surrendered to his touch, his healing presence filling her with more peace than she had ever known before. "Lift you arms," he commanded softly as he pulled the shirt down over her body until it fell just below her thighs. He swallowed hard. Sara affected him in ways that no other woman had ever been able to do before. He felt a bond with her that went far deeper than anything he could ever explain. Lifting one of his hands, he touched her shoulder gently to fill her with his warmth. "You okay to finish getting dressed?" he asked in a whisper as his eyes moved to the boxers in her hands. When she nodded her answer, he stood up shakily from the bed and walked slowly towards the door. "I'll be right back."

Sara lifted her eyes when he had gone, the silence in the room filling her with unwanted solitude. Pulling on the underwear he had given her, she looked longingly at the covers, craving their warmth. She could hear his cell phone ringing in the distance and it suddenly struck her that she would once again be alone. Her bottom lip began to quiver, and she finally gave in to the tears that had threatened to engulf her for so long. One tear followed another, until she was pouring out her fear, sadness and isolation into whacking sobs that consumed her entire body. Giving in to the pull of the bed, she leaned down onto Grissom's pillow and unleashed the sobs that cleansed her soul of the past.

Grissom came racing back into the room, and stopped dead in the doorway when he saw her. She looked so small and fragile laying there in his bed that he could almost hear the crack in his heart open wider. Coming over to the bed, he climbed onto the mattress beside her and gathered her sobbing body into his arms. "It's okay honey," he whispered through his own tears as he rubbed her back. "Let it out."

His words only caused her to sob harder and she couldn't seem to stop the tears from falling. His warmth encompassed her, giving her the strength she needed to accept his comfort. Turning in his arms, she buried herself into his chest, unleashing every ounce of anguish out of her tired body. Grissom's arms held her tighter as she sobbed, pulling her closer into him. His own tears fell freely; mingling into her hair along with the soft kisses he showered over her silken strands.

"It's over now Sara," he whispered, "Brass just called, Mark Burrows will never hurt you again." He felt her arms tighten around him as he spoke, and felt her surrender against him. Laying them both down further onto the mattress, he held her in his arms until her sobs slowed into hiccups. With her essence surrounding him, he lifted her face so that she could see the honesty in his eyes. "I love you Sara," he whispered, kissing her face as he spoke. "I'm not afraid anymore."

Sara felt her eyes fill with liquid emotion once again when he spoke the words she had been longing to hear from him for so long. Reaching up to him, she kissed his lips softly before drawing away to bury her face in his neck. "I love you too," she whispered before the tears started to flow again. They were together, healing each other with love. The pain was finally over…

END


End file.
